Dear Adrian,

it's not your fault, always remember that. It's no one's fault and that's why it must feel so frustrating not having anyone to blame. For me and especially for you.

I love you but it's not up to me look after you. I already have three to do that for so it's too much having one more. I'm scared for you, I'm scared cus I can't be there for you all the time. I know you'd never harm a living soul but these days it's not you I'm seeing. It's very frightening cus I don't recognise the person behind your eyes. You look the same but you talk, walk and behave like someone else.

I'm scared you might actually hurt me.
And even more frightened you might involuntarely hurt someone else. Someone who doesn't understand it's not really you there who does these things, say these bad things and is so mean, untrustworthy and violent.

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I know it hurts but you'll understand this is the right solution. You don't get it now but you will eventually. After you get better.

I really can't say how sorry I am about all this, all you have to go through. But you know, I need to move on, I'm not happy like this no matter how much I love you. I really wanted this to work out but it wont. Maybe we are meant to be but not now. I need to be on my own and so do you. I told you this in November but you refused to listen, it's very daunting when you just forget the facts and even I start to doubt my sanity, like did I really tell you this or not. But I know I did, many times.

We had our great moments, we had lot to give, but it's now all taken from us because of this illness of yours. I don't blame you, I hope you get that, how could I cus it's not your fault.

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Just remember that it's not that I had stopped loving you, I never will, I really adore the real you but now you're not yourself - and I don't like the person behind your eyes. I hope someone could find a way to end all your suffering and let you live without this fear of losing yourself inside of your own mind. So that you could be free and love again. Love the rain against the window, get exited when it shines, get depressed when I feel bad and do your everything trying to make me feel better about myself.

You really made me feel like a princess, and saved me, and I am always thankful.

I hope everything gets better,
I'll always love you,
and I hate this had to go like this - me having to move on without you, and you just getting worse and worse.

Yours,
Aimèe